Grieving the Child I Thought I Would Have

May 15, 2018May 16, 2018Leave a comment

As I was entering motherhood there were things that were not told to me. How would I function on a few hours of sleep, how do I know the baby had enough to eat, how huge a poop can be, etc. One thing I was not told was what to do if the pregnancy didn’t go as I hoped. This is where grieving came into place.

Yes of course people lose children and they grieve. But as a special needs mom I grieved the child I thought I was going to have. It is completely normal to do so and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Every time I went to my OB I would get bad news after bad news and there was always something to grieve. I didn’t know what to expect. Will my child talk? Will my child walk? There were so many what ifs and I grieved. I felt so alone. I felt like my life was falling apart.

Now looking back, I am surprised about how I got through it. I never knew I could be so strong. But I have to be. I need to be there to raise Lexi, be advocate, be her best friend, etc.

I experienced three stages of grief and I would like to share them with you. I’m sure many of you have read a few posts close to mine but writing this gives me some peace.

1. Anger. I was angry at everyone. Myself mostly. I felt that my body let me down. That I was the one that caused this.

2. Scared. The unknown scared me and it still does. There are many question marks that come with Lexi’s diagnosis. How was I to prepare? Would she walk? Would she talk? All of this really can weigh you down.

3. Acceptance. This happened when she was born. It was hard to accept her diagnosis. There are times that I still struggle, but I have accepted that life will be different. Lexi is a sweet, funny, happy little baby and I wouldn’t trade her sweet little self for anything.

It has been a long process, but I am so grateful for her and our family. I hope this post helps any other moms out there that may be struggling with a similar situation.

Photo by: Hannah Decossas Photography

3 Benefits of Reading to Your Baby

October 19, 2017February 18, 2018Leave a comment

I absolutely love reading to Lexi. I have been reading to her when she was still in the womb. Some people think that they do not comprehend what you are reading at such a young age, but they sense your tone, mood, and get to hear their mommy and daddy’s voice. There are many benefits to reading to your little one and I would love to share those with you.

Bonding Time: It’s an activity that turns into a special time with your little. The baby is exposed to the sound of your voice and of course that is soothing for them.
Emotions Come into Play: Your baby is exposed to feelings through the different sounds you use when reading. Every parent does a voice for a specific character at times and they detect that. Also, when you describe the book to them they hear the emotion you are using to describe it to them.
Showing Them Reading is Fun: Making it a part of your daily routine can teach them that reading can be something that they enjoy. That will help them not dread it when they start school.

Here are a few books we LOVE to read to Lexi:

Chicka Chicka Boom Boom | The Poky Little Puppy | Madeline | Daddy Hugs

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Photo by: Hannah Decossas Photography

Self Soothing

October 8, 2017Leave a comment

I have to start off and say that life with a 2 month old is exhausting but fun all at the same time. But when the crying starts so does the stress. I can’t help but wonder why can’t I soothe her at times. I’ll try about anything. I’ll try the shushing method, swinging, sucking, and the swaddling ( which this one does work at times ). When all of this doesn’t work I resort to a method most parents may not like and that is letting her just cry it out. Of course I check the monitor to see if she’s ok and all but she does need to learn to self soothe. This method won’t only come in handy at night but it does when she wakes up from a nap. That way she can try to fall back asleep. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t, but self soothing is something that I would like for her to learn to do. Are there any other moms out there that do this?

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Photo by: Hannah Decossas Photography

Eight Weeks

September 18, 2017September 24, 20172 Comments

Baby Lexi is about eight weeks old! I can’t believe how fast time has flown by. I have heard parents say that times flies by and I would roll my eyes at that, but boy was I wrong. Time goes by really fast. We are so lucky that she is ours. I can’t imagine not having her. One huge thing that has happened in this eight weeks is that we found out that she does not have Dandy Walker Variant! We are so blessed and happy to have found out this news. She still has the chromosome deletion, but we are thankful we have one less health problem with our baby girl.

Lexi is still a petite little girl weighing at 7 pounds 11 ounces. She was 4 pounds 9 ounces when she was born so we are thrilled with this weight gain. When she was born all I had was newborn sized sleepers and those were so big on her so I had to find some preemie ones and I was shocked to find out how hard it was to find them. She still wears some preemie and she can fit into some newborn sizes while some are still a little big.

So far in her eight weeks of life she has had a G-Tube surgery, has become a total daddy’s girl, loves her doggy, hates bath time (screams at the top of her lungs), began OT and Speech, and sleeps through the night. The sleeping through the night is because she gets continuous feeds, but we are still thrilled with that.

I love this little girl so much and can’t wait to share more about her with you all. Now I hope you enjoy all the iPhone snaps of her!

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Nursery Reveal

September 13, 2017November 4, 2017Leave a comment

I am very excited about today’s post! I absolutely love Lexi’s nursery. My goal was for her to have a bright and happy nursery and I feel that is exactly what I achieved. I am in love with the white, gray, and pink colors and of course the owls. I of course searched Pinterest for inspiration and combined a lot of ideas together and this is what I came up with. I hope you all love it as much as I do.