Grieving the Child I Thought I Would Have

14

As I was entering motherhood there were things that were not told to me. How would I function on a few hours of sleep, how do I know the baby had enough to eat, how huge a poop can be, etc. One thing I was not told was what to do if the pregnancy didn’t go as I hoped. This is where grieving came into place.

Yes of course people lose children and they grieve. But as a special needs mom I grieved the child I thought I was going to have. It is completely normal to do so and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Every time I went to my OB I would get bad news after bad news and there was always something to grieve. I didn’t know what to expect. Will my child talk? Will my child walk? There were so many what ifs and I grieved. I felt so alone. I felt like my life was falling apart.

Now looking back, I am surprised about how I got through it. I never knew I could be so strong. But I have to be. I need to be there to raise Lexi, be advocate, be her best friend, etc.

I experienced three stages of grief and I would like to share them with you. I’m sure many of you have read a few posts close to mine but writing this gives me some peace.

1. Anger. I was angry at everyone. Myself mostly. I felt that my body let me down. That I was the one that caused this.

2. Scared. The unknown scared me and it still does. There are many question marks that come with Lexi’s diagnosis. How was I to prepare? Would she walk? Would she talk? All of this really can weigh you down.

3. Acceptance. This happened when she was born. It was hard to accept her diagnosis. There are times that I still struggle, but I have accepted that life will be different. Lexi is a sweet, funny, happy little baby and I wouldn’t trade her sweet little self for anything.

It has been a long process, but I am so grateful for her and our family. I hope this post helps any other moms out there that may be struggling with a similar situation.

 

Photo by: Hannah Decossas Photography

Favorite Amazon Beauty Buys

Hey lovelies! I just wanted to start out and mention that I am addicted to ordering from Amazon. I probably place an Amazon order at least once a week. And yes, I am an Amazon Prime Member, so at least I save a little money with that service, right? Of course you have to pay for the service but you do save in the long run. I order a lot of random things, things for the baby, and beauty products so today I wanted to show you my favorite beauty buys. More posts coming soon on the other products.

Now on to the beauty buys:

 

eau de parfum-4

 

Makeup Brush Holder | Blenderelle Makeup Blender Sponge Storage | Silicon Makeup Brush Cleaning Mat  | John Frieda Hot Air Brush | Olay Professional Pro-X Cleaning System | Vanity Trifold Makeup Mirror | Kaizen Beauty Roller

5 Pregnancy Tips I Wish Someone Had Told Me

Being pregnant, especially for the first time can be scary and so exciting all in one. It is such a surreal experience. You are gaining weight, your hormones are all over the place, and knowing you are growing a little human inside of you can be nerve wracking. When expecting for the first time you do get a lot of tips and advice. Here are some tips that I wish I knew when I was pregnant with Lexi.

46.jpg

1. Don’t Google everything. When I was pregnant I would google every symptom and I would end up scared out of my mind. If you need to know something just call your OB.

2. Take a Nap. You need your rest. Being pregnant takes a lot out of you. It is important to get rest. Besides, after you give birth naps become scarce.

3. Take pictures. It is no secret that I had a rough pregnancy so I didn’t take many pictures. I wish I have. I wish I could look back at more than just my maternity shoot and have more to show Lexi.

4. Don’t listen to everyone. You all know who I am referring to. Family, friends, and even people you don’t know. They all want to tell you about their experience. This is your experience. Just smile politely when they tell you their story.

5. Embrace your pregnancy. It goes by fast. It really does. You may not think that now, but when your baby is born you will think “wow it went by quick”.

Do any of you have any tips that you want to add?

 

Photo by: Hannah Decossas Photography

The Backpack Bag

Happy Monday!

As a mom I don’t want to only carry a diaper bag. I want to carry a beautiful bag as well. Sometimes it gets annoying to carry my Neverfull along with the diaper bag so I went for a backpack bag. It is such a convenient bag and I can still carry Lexi’s diaper bag and not have both bags in the way.

How many of you carry a backpack bag?

 

F5FD6385-7688-4C30-B699-86E702B88733

Backpack: Rebecca Minkoff

 

These are some other pretty options:

Untitled design

Zac Posen Eartha Iconic Convertible Backpack | Topshop Lucy Metal Tab Backpack | Gucci GG Marmont Quilted Backpack | See By Chloe Olga Backpack

Books I’ve Read Lately

Happy Tuesday lovelies!

I have become such a bookworm lately. I don’t know why, but I find myself reading a book a week. There is nothing better than taking a bath and reading a good book.

Today I wanted to share the books I’ve read recently. I’ve picked up some really good ones that I haven’t been able to put down! I literally cannot wait to find the time during the day to read. Also if you have any good book recommendations please let me know!

CACAD2BA-63C1-4EB3-9186-CBC0626A2183

The Wife Between Us by Greer Hendricks and Sarah Pekkanen: This book was SO good! It is a total psychological thriller and I could not put this down. I read this book in three days. A small summary on this is that an angry ex-wife is stalking a young  fiancee who is basically just like her former self, or that is what you will think. I will let you all read the book to find out more.

The Secrets of My Life by Caitlin Jenner: I know I may get some judgement on this book but I don’t care. I really enjoyed reading about Bruce Jenner and his life and the transition to Caitlin.

 

IMG_1902

Still Me by Jojo Moyes: Louisa Clark arrives in New York ready to start a new life, looking forward to this new adventure and keep her relationship with Ambulance Sam in London still going strong. She ends up mixing in New York high society, where she meets Joshua Ryan, a man who reminds her of a man in her past. This book comes after the book Me Before You, if you loved that one you will love this one too.

A New Model by Ashley Graham: I LOVED this book so much. Ashley Graham, which I am sure you all know who she is. I love this autobiography about her childhood, how she got into modeling, ( a plus sized model ) and just being a total Girl Boss. She is a woman every girl and woman should look up to.

The Last Mrs. Parrish by Liv Constantine: This book is hands down my favorite. It is definitely the definition of a psychological thriller. Amber Patterson is  tired of being a nobody, a woman who blends into the background. She befriends Daphne Parrish, beautiful, rich socialite. Amber has a plan, but she doesn’t know that Daphne does too.

IMG_1904

I completely recommend every single book in today’s post. And if you end up reading them I hope you enjoy them.

 

Mother’s Day Gift Guide

Happy Tuesday lovelies!
Mother’s Day is about a month away and I am so excited about it! It is my first Mother’s Day as a mom and I can’t wait to spend the day with Lexi and the hubby. I absolutely love the Spring minus all of the pollen/allergies.
Below are some items that I think would make great gifts for all of us mommas out there.

 

eau de parfum-2.jpg

Dior Perfume | Olivia Burton Watch | Tory Burch WalletBaubleBar Aimee Y-Choker | Monica Vinader Riva Circle Stud Diamond Earrings | L’Occitane Almond Shower Oil